Down a Hobbit Hole
by KLegnard
Summary: After reading so many Mary Sues where someone gets dropped into ME, I decided to do my own twist, dropping Legolas into ME. The other LOTR characters will all appear somewhere in the story.
1. Moths and Umbrellas

**Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, Alice In Wonderland, or the chair that I am currently sitting in.**

Legolas sat quietly in his room, reading with his back resting against the windowsill. His neck was sore, screaming out in pain, but he continued to ignore it, for the book he was engulfed in was his favorite, and he was just getting to the good part. Well, one of the good parts. The story in hand was J.R.R. Tolkien's The Hobbit.  
Naming him Legolas, after another of Tolkien's characters, was his mother's idea, being as she was a college professor. If only she had lived to see how spot on a resemblance he had to the elf prince. They shared the same long blonde hair, crystal blue eyes, and pale, feminine face. If only he could experience the same wild and exciting adventures.  
Facing the facts that he could never enjoy such a quest he set down the novel, and let his mind drift off into the world of oblivion...

"_I'm late! Oh my! And I missed second breakfast as well! Dear, what is Uncle Bilbo going to say_?" Legolas's eyes opened to a strange sight. A small creature, about waist high, was running along barefoot, muttering about breakfast. This oddity, though small in stature, had rather large feet, that were covered in a thick, curly, dark hair to match that on his head. From somewhere, though he did not remember where, Legolas recognized the creature, a halfling, otherwise known as a hobbit. This hobbit, his name yet unknown, raced past Legolas, and continued on into a vast forest.  
How curious, Legolas mused, it seems if I wish to know where I am, for I am no longer in my room, I must first find someone to ask. Of course, to do that, I suppose I will follow this fine young hobbit. Sighing, Legolas stood and hurried after the halfling. Really, he did not mind the adventure of the whole thing, in fact, he quite enjoyed it, but he had the slight feeling that things were about to get quite out of hand.  
Loosing track of the hobbit after only a short while, Legolas had to resort to another means of trailing him. He bent down to examine the earth. It was soft, and footprints were easily found, if you were one who bothered to search. Luckily for Legolas, the hobbit left very large prints, which was not surprising, considering the size of its feet. Legolas followed the trail until he came to a large hole. The prints didn't seem to go around the hole, nor did they continue on the other side, leaving him with only one thought. To go down. Looking around him one last time, he thought Well, what's the worst that could happen? And with that, he jumped.

.o0o.  
If Legolas expected a long and seemingly endless fall like that of Alice Liddel in Lewis Carol's most famous piece, he was very wrong. His tumbling came to an abrupt halt when he landed face first onto a hard wood floor. Before anyone could notice, if indeed anyone was there, he pulled himself off of the polished oak and brushed himself off. Fortunately for him, the only other living creature in the room was a small moth perched on an end table. Legolas reasoned that the hobbit must have already continued on, for why would he wait up for a person he didn't even know was there? Legolas ran to the door opposite the moth, hoping to catch up. Turning the handle, he found it... Locked. Great, no way back up, he couldn't reach the hole, and he couldn't resume his journey, not without a key. Maybe he could make friends with the moth and they would sing showtunes until Legolas finally dropped dead. What a promising future, especially since he could barely breath in this cramped space. Sitting himself down, he let go of his dignity and wept like a schoolgirl.  
_Wait_, Legolas thought, approaching the end table. _Maybe, yes_. Sitting next to the insect was a cigar box, and a note reading Use me. Generally, he didn't smoke, but if Miss Alice's adventures proved anything, it was that things don't always do what they're intended to. Cookies that make you shrink, and a mushroom to make you grow, so if Legolas was lucky... Geronimo!  
A tingling sensation engulfed him, and he felt the walls rising around him. Finally, he was getting somewhere! ...and, he was getting wetter. His tears! He regretted being such a crybaby. He must have shrank down small enough to swim in his own bodily fluids. They washed him under the locked door in a swift rip tide. It was almost as if he was down by the ocean, for the salty taste was there, as was the sound of birds. _Hold on_, Legolas did not recall any birds, only a small gray moth. _Then, where...?_  
Rubbing the liquid from his eyes, he looked before him. What a peculiar sight! A bearded man in a flowing grey coat was floating along on a green umbrella, with an assortment of colorful birds circling around him. Many were familiar, a few, not so much, but the bewildered man could have sworn that he saw a dodo bird, which couldn't have been easy, as they were extinct.  
As Legolas doggie paddled closer, he heard a jumble of strange noises. They were singing! Birds gathered around the umbrella floating man, singing in rather off key harmonies.  
Legolas didn't recognize the tune, but he easily caught on and joined in. After a long time of running in circles while the bearded man shouted Faster! Faster! Eventually, though, the oddball group managed to drag themselves onto dry land. Legolas was freezing, wet, and tired, but the prospect of what other strange things he would find kept him moving. He said a Quick farewell to the man, and sent a wave to the birds, before resuming his trek.  
Shaking his head, Legolas smiled and turned towards his next destination. A large and green forest brimming with wildlife and (hopefully) dangerous creatures to battle drew him into its grasp, noises of strange animals filling his ears. He wandered around aimlessly for a time, stopping every so often to stare at some unusual species of plant life, or to ogle at an interesting tree. He even ran into some real "horseflies". At first, these were his favorite, but though they looked like harmless rocking horses with wings, they still bit, and it still hurt. He was actually in the process of battling off a swarm of them when he literally ran into someone.  
Legolas looked up to find himself staring at...nothing, so he looked down again.  
"_Why hello, little hobbits,"_ Legolas smiled, for this was what they were. In front of him were two more of the strange little men he saw earlier. These two, though, were blonder, and if it was possible, clad in more outrageous outfits. The colors were...nice, to put it simply, but though their fashion choices looked like something out of a Vogue magazine, the pair themselves looked adorable.  
"_Hello little Elf!_" They replied, in perfect unison. Legolas didn't even notice that they had referred to him as an elf. Or called him little. "_We are Meriadoc and Peregrin, at your service! Feel free to call us Merry and Pippin! would you like to hear a story? We want to tell you a story. Perhaps The Walrus and The Carpenter?" _Meriadoc, Legolas guessed it was the right name, said all of the words in one breath, so not only did Legolas not understand it, but he couldn't respond, for he was rudely interrupted by the one called Peregrin.  
_ "No, no NO! That one is too overrated! He's probably heard it, like, twice! Lets tell him about the Isildur and the One Ring!" _  
_ "He probably doesn't even know what that is!_" The other yelled.  
In fact, this was a story that Legolas was quite familiar with, but he enjoyed it anyways. As the story progressed, the excited duo got louder, and flailed around a bit. When they reached the part about the elves, Pippin stopped to exclaim:  
"Oh! The elves! When we are done with our tale, you must tell us about Mirkwood, and King Thranduil! This, of course, was a story for another day, one that Legolas may not be able to tell. After this outburst, they managed to only get back on track with Legolas's pushing.  
Finally, after many pauses and distractions, the trio of man and two hobbits sat got up to part ways. At least, that was what Legolas thought.  
"Farewell!" He called over his shoulder. At this, Merry took hold f his left arm, Pippin taking his right, and attempted to pull him back towards them. Of course, the man was much stronger and swept them away. "Okay, I'll tell you what." He settled down once more. "I really need to get home, but I don't exactly know where that is from here, so, if you help me back, then I shall soon return and tell you stories." He realized that he did want to return, and really had enjoyed his day, but someone was probably worried. Pippin looked put out.  
"Fine. But we don't know how to get out, so we cannot help you, but please come back quick and tell us about the elves!" Legolas rolled his eyes, wondering why he even bothered asking them for help. Oh well, he thought, and continued on his way.  
Three more hours of walking later, or so he thought, Legolas was tired, weak, and very hungry. Maybe he would just stop here for a minute and sit down...

**How was that? So, if I'm the narrator, then that was just the prologue. Sorry, what I wrote was short, but it will get longer. Read, rate, review, whatever. Later!**


	2. Monsters, Flowers, and Mad Tea Parties

Good day ladies and gentlemen, having fun yet? I hope I follow the order of events in Alice enough, but it gets confusing to me, so... Here goes.

"Late! I'm late! Oh, I must hurry..." The familiar voice of the waistcoated hobbit brought Legolas back to his senses. He must have fallen asleep. Quickly he pulled himself off of the ground, groaning from the ache in his neck. Running now, he tailed the hobbit, and this time, Legolas would not lose him.

The dark haired creature led him up to a very strange but welcoming sight. A real house. Legolas was tired of the ever similar surrounding that made him feel like he was only going in circles. He waited a few moments after the hobbit had entered, before going to knock on the door himself. Legolas grasped the large brass knocker and banged it on the circular door.

"Why hello young elf." The hobbit answered. Seriously, Legolas thought, what is it with people calling me an elf? He let it slide though, for now he could ask what he had asked the other hobbits.

"Could you please tell me where I-" once again he was rudely interrupted. It must have been a hobbit thing.

"Would you mind grabbing my gloves and fan for me? They're on the coffee table over there. Yes, thank you." Legolas felt like he should oblige, no matter how rude this person behaved. He walked over to the indicated table and picked up the pale white gloves and silver fan, but before he handed them over he was distracted by a jar of cookies. His stomach growled, reminding him that he hadn't eaten since, well, he wasn't quite sure when. He supposed that the hobbit wouldn't mind, there were so many, after all, and besides, the jar was labeled "eat me". He did.

The all too recognizable tingling sensation came upon him, and his head hit the ceiling of the small house. Legolas figured that, like the pipe, the cookies would make him change in size, but on this case, he was growing, not shrinking. Soon he would be trapped in this tight space. Already, he was forcing his arms and legs out of the various round windows. Unfortunately, the hobbit had noticed.

"Help! A monster! There's a monster in my house! Get it out!" Coming to the hobbit's aid was the man with the umbrella from earlier, and a rather tall elf carrying a ladder and wearing a tool belt. The pair of newcomers sat outside one of the windows, hitting Legolas with their umbrellas and ladders. Thankfully, Legolas was too large for it to hurt much, and it was more of a nuisance than a painful attack. His attackers, too, must have realized this, and were plotting a new form of attack.

"Why don't we just burn the house down?" At this, the hobbit looked worried, and Legolas felt the same.

Then Legolas had an idea. If eating various foods can change size, then maybe if he at one of the carrots from the hobbit's garden... If he shrunk back down, he would be able to escape, and if he got bigger, he would break free from the house, and either way, it would be better than getting turned to ash. Legolas reached towards the garden, flicking the ladder bearing elf as he did so. He plucked a small carrot from said garden, and ate it. Once again, Legolas felt tingles down his spine, and felt the whole thing rather annoying. The walls were getting higher above him, and he thought:it worked!

Now relatively the same size as an insect, Legolas ran out the door, past the hobbit, not once looking back. He settles down once more for a quick rest, and slowly drifts off to sleep.

"Ouch! Watch where you sit, lousy oaf! You're on one of my roots! Jumping up from where he was sitting, Legolas took a step glanced around trying to identify the owner of that voice. He saw only a pale purple violet standing tall near a garden of daisies. If he hadn't gone through the day's previous oddities, he would have thought himself mad. Talking flowers, now that was new. He muttered a quick apology, hoping to get away before it started a conversation.

"Hold it right there! Who are you, and what kind of a flower are you?" Whoops, too late. Unfortunately he did not have an answer to the second question, and responded: "I am Legolas. I apologize once more, but I am no flower."

This was not what the violet wanted to hear. "So then you are a weed?" She glared at him in a way only a flower could. Legolas shook his head and responded no, to which se seemed unconvinced. Before he knew it, Legolas was engulfed in a large variety of plants, all yelling and shouting, at each other and himself.

"Let him be, he has every right to look how he looks, we never question the colors of your leaves!" A tall queen's rose softly called out, to which a noisy daffodil replied: "Shut your stem, prep! I won't have any weeds in my garden!" A chorus of heads nodded in agreement.

To avoid things getting worse, Legolas dodged through a bed of young tulips. On his way, he accidentally trampled one. As he ran off, he heard the snotty daffodil mutter something about how bad-mannered weeds were.

I'm never doing that again, Legolas sighed, finally far enough away from them to stop for a rest. He would never look upon his sister's garden the same way again. Legolas shuttered. This time, before he sat down, he made sure that there were no flowers in sight. Or weeds, for that matter.

"Late! Again! Oh, Mr. Strider will be upset now too!" A familiar voice cried. Legolas leapt to his feet. He hoped that this time he would not lose the hobbit, as he really did not want to face the prospect of having a moth for his only friend again., but this time, he felt a bit reluctant, possibly owing to the day's previous encounters. Fortunately, the hobbit seemed to notice him this time, and stopped to talk to him. And, he obviously did not recognize him as the monster in his house.

"Frodo Baggins, pleased to meet you. Say, why don't you accompany me to a tea party?" He didn't wait for an answer, instead he grabbed Legolas's arm and dragged him through the woods to a table set up in the middle of a clearing that had hundreds of teacups, plates, and bowls set upon it haphazardly. Legolas could not imagine how loud a crash it would make, were someone to knock everything over.

At the head of the table was a rather tall man in a rather tall hat. At his right was a rabbit, but of darker colored fur. The pair was chattily beaming over a broken pocket watch. As the hobbit, Frodo, lead him to the table, the man stood and a wide smile spread across his face.

"Frodo, lad, welcome! And who is this you've brought us? I'm Strider, but I'm called a lot of things. Why don't you use Hatter? So, tell me, what are you called? Oh, never mind, let's eat!" Legolas wondered if there was some sort of law that required you to speak as fast as possible here.

Hatter lead them to the table, where he then poured Legolas a cup of tea... Into a cup with a hole in the bottom. Hatter beamed proudly as he handed over the porcelain. Legolas smiled awkwardly, trying to ignore his growling stomach. He felt wary about eating anything now anyways, so it wasn't a difficult task.

The dark-haired rabbit quickly introduced himself as Gimli, in the same, breathless manner Hatter did. The odd duo started talking once more about their pocket watch, to which the hobbit- Frodo- exclaimed:

"How could you do something like ruin a perfectly good pocket watch!? It's no wonder why you're always late!" Frodo grasped the watch out of the Hatter's hand, and attempted to fix it.

"Aw, Frodo, why do you have to ruin all of the fun? It's Gimli here's unbirthday, too. Don't be a party pooper." Hatter pouted, crossing his arms. "Y'know, I don't think I like you anymore. You can leave. "

"Fine, I will." Frodo stormed off, leaving Legolas startled by the Hatter's rude behavior. He thought to himself, The people here sure are rude. I would very much like to go home now, and deal with more civilized people. And with that, Legolas got up from the table and left.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

So, there goes the next chapter. Hopefully, I will have the next part posted within the week, but I guess that we'll just have to see. Read, rate, review, do what you must. Lots of love- well, tolerance, really, - K


	3. Cats, Spiders, and God Knows what

Legolas had been wandering through the woods for some time when he heard a twig snap behind him.

"Hello?" He turned around.

"Hello the little elf lost?" hissed a disembodied voice.

"Um... yes?" Legolas replied, searching for the owner of the snakelike voice. No one was in sight.

"Well, We could lead him where he wants to go, precious." A pair of pale eyes appeared, floating over a mouth that was twisted into a morbid smile.

"Yes, precious, we could. Where does the elf want to go?"

"Well, you see, i'm not exactly sure..." Legolas said.

"He doesn't know where he wants to go, precious. We could lead him to Her."

"N-No, no thanks." Stuttered Legolas.

"But we must." A wrinkled hand appeared from the shadows, grabbing his arm and dragging him deeper into the woods. Legolas started protesting, yelling profanities and begging to be released.

"Make the blonde shut up and walk, precious."

"W-who are you?What are you?"Legolas demanded, dragging his heels.

"We are Gollum." replied...Gollum.

Legolas was then gripped under the arms and hauled forward.

.o0o.

They arrived in a garden. Legolas had expected something along the lines of a cave, but a garden? It made no sense.

Before Legolas could where they were, the creature that dragged him there had disappeared.

"Wha-?"

Looming before him was a giant spider. A black widow, to be exact.

**A/N: There. That should satisfy you. No, no it wont. I promise that I'm working on something...**

**KL**


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